Couples Relationship Makeover

Deeper Communication and Growing a Marriage Together

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Growing and Dreaming Together Using CTypes

In a marriage or any committed couples relationship, to grow together is a blessing of the highest order. For many years, Linda and I have been committed to our personal and spiritual growth, both as individuals and as a couple. Much of our growth has come through the ongoing practice of moving from our natural CTypes to our opposite CTypes, especially when one of us or the relationship is stressed in some way. We also have given each other permission to support the other when one of us is troubled in life. This means in times of trouble, when appropriate, assisting the other to move to his/her opposite CType.

Supporting Loved Ones to Move to Their Opposites

Linda is a Sagittarian CType and, as expected, this CType is very close to home. Until I worked with CTypes, I couldn’t understand why Linda was always making simple things so complicated. A trip to visit a friend could turn into plans so elaborate that even Superwoman would fail the challenge of implementation. Worse, Linda tended to stress herself out when she did too much Sagittarius. As her husband and with permission to support her when she did too much of her natural CType, I could act as sounding board and catalyst for her solving her problems. Let me share an example.

Linda planned to visit her friend Vicki in Santa Fe, New Mexico, for three days. Her simple plan was to “not plan” and create a fun “girls getaway” where they would do whatever they wanted to do “in the moment.” Notice that the trip was a way for her to move from Sag (past and future planning) to Gemini (her “in the moment” opposite). Linda loves to do things spontaneously where she doesn’t have to do a lot of planning (Gemini). Here’s what her simple plan morphed into and this is the conversation we had on the phone:

“David, I’m going to visit Vicki in Santa Fe for three days. On the way, maybe I’ll stop in Albuquerque and see Diane. I’ll call her. Maybe Diane would like to bring her mother and all of us could have lunch. You know, Connie loves Santa Fe and she hasn’t seen Diane for a long time. I wonder if Connie would like to fly over with me. Maybe we could get a “two-for-one” flight and save some money. Connie could stay with Vicki and me if Vicki’s daughter isn’t going to be home that weekend. Vicki is going to pick me up at the airport, but now, maybe we should rent a car. Maybe Vicki could join us for lunch. Since we have a car, we could take the back way to Santa Fe through Galisteo and visit Álvaro and Gabriella. David, you’ve been wanting to spend some time with Álvaro to do some work on CTypes so this might be a good time for you to make the trip, too. You could stay with Álvaro, and Connie and I could go on to Santa Fe. Oh yes, you will probably want to take your computer and reference materials with you, so maybe we should rent a van for the trip. Since we’d have more room with a van, maybe you’d like to go skiing one day. You might be able to stay with Miguel that night or possibly we ought to rent a room for that night. But Vicki really wanted to be able to spend some quality time with me so that we could “catch up.” Maybe I should make the trip four days instead of three. But what about the two-for-one flights and the van? Maybe Vicki could take me to the airport or you could take the shuttle back and we could drive the van a day later. But who will watch the kids if I stay another day? This is getting so complicated. I’m not even sure I want to go any more.

Note that all this creativity is done in the head without going to the outside world to see if the plan will work. Linda became stressed and exasperated because she now had to work out so many details for this trip. When she came to me with her problem, I said, “Honey, forget all the extra people and side trips. Just go with the simplest plan possible, which is to go by yourself, be in the moment (like Gemini—Linda’s Sagittarius opposite), and after you get there do exactly what you want to do, when you want to do it.” Linda was so relieved! Her complex plan and all its logistical requirements had become her reality, and she didn’t know how she would be able to do it all. Bringing herself back into the moment and letting go of all the in-the-head complexity solved the problem. CTypes support.

In any committed relationship where both individuals are committed to grow personally, spiritually, and as a couple, supporting our partners to move toward his/her opposite CType is an act of love. It is always good to keep in mind that permission and timing of this type of support is critical. We don’t want to be a know-it-all when our partner is not ready to be supported, yes? Use good judgment before trying to support anyone. And give thanks often (David’s Relationship Mantra)