Scorpio Humor – Losing 10 Pounds

bigstock Happy Couple 41619557 300x214 Scorpio Humor – Losing 10 PoundsScorpio – The Master of Relationships – At Least According to Me

Most people seem to enjoy my humor so I decided to include a little snippet each Monday. Most of this humor is based upon real life incidents with Linda and me but are slightly exaggerated. You may see a little of my Scorpio CType and Linda’s Sagittarius CType here. You may also see a little of your relationships in these little bites of levity. Enjoy and I hope these brighten your Monday’s in some small way.


Sometimes in my relationship with Linda, I get the feeling that she isn’t completely confident in my ability to see things as they are. As we age (her well and me not so well) together, I tend to see myself as I was at twenty five. She, on the other hand, will remind me that I can’t do the same things I did when I was young. Hooey, I say.

Linda looked at me in disbelief the other day and asked if the pants I had on from my college days were a little tight. I wondered what might have spurred her to ask such an inane and pointless question. Did she think I’d put on weight? I assured her, in no uncertain terms, that I weighted the same as I did in college.  Okay, maybe 10 extra pounds. The only thing that might have changed slightly is how the weight is distributed. Whereas it used to be in broad shoulders and impressively muscled arms, a sizable portion seems to have blown retreat and succumbed to the pull of gravity. I decided right then and there that it was time to get those 10 unwanted pounds off.

I joined two gyms, one that specialized in bodybuilding and another touted for mixed martial arts. The first day in my martial arts class, we were told to simply observe advanced students sparring while the head Haiku described what was going on in the ring. I couldn’t help cheering for the more handsome of the two. Unfortunately, when I ventured too close to the ropes I was accidentally kicked in the groin and head-butted into unconsciousness by the ugly one. The head Haiku suggested that possibly MMA was not the right conditioning venue for me. There were a few small glitches as well on the first day in my bodybuilding class. I was injured when a 2.5 pound warm-up weight came off the bar and broke my jaw, knocking out three of my front teeth. Bending down to pick up my teeth, my back went out and 911 had to be called. With my jaw wired shut for the next six months, the doctors say I will probably lose at least 10 pounds. Aha! Mission accomplished!