Scorpio Humor – Jump Starting the Car

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Scorpio – The Master of Relationships – At Least According to Me

People seem to enjoy my humor so I decided to include a little snippet each Monday. Most of this humor is based upon real life incidents with Linda and me but are slightly exaggerated. You may see a little of my Scorpio CType and Linda’s Sagittarius CType here. You may also see a little of your relationships in these little bites of levity. Enjoy and I hope these brighten your Monday’s in some small way.


In healthy relationships, you have to trust your partner. Although Linda like to use outside experts, I’m Mr. Fix It around our house. Linda left to go to her exercise/yoga class. A few minutes later she reappeared to tell me she had “left something on” in the car and the battery was dead. She suggested we call AAA. “What!,” I protested. “AAA? That will be a hassle and take forever. I have everything we need to solvid the problem quickly. Let’s get at it so you don’t miss your yoga class” Being handy around the house, I keep jumper cables at the ready for just such an opportunity.

We’d have to push her car out of the garage so we could move it close enough to my truck to make the required jumper connections. My suggestion that I steer while she push didn’t fly and produced not so subtle questioning of my manhood. Fine. I’d push. As might be expected, when we lined up the two vehicles and opened the hoods, the batteries were both on the wrong side of the engine compartment and the cables wouldn’t reach. I asked Linda to wait in the house while I solvid the problem. A man needs a little space to operate, yes? Okay. I made the decision to switch batteries. When that didn’t work, I decided to move my truck to the other side of Linda’s car. This required me to drive over our neighbor’s hedge, which I did. Who said 4x4s don’t come in handy. Aha. Now the cables reached easily. Okay. Red on black or black on red. I couldn’t remember which.

Evidently, I must have made a mistake in connecting the batteries because, after a geyser of sparks, the copper clamps melted and the battery in my truck caught fire. Using my fire fighting training I’d seen on Smoke Jumpers, I hit the flaming battery several times with a shovel before throwing a bucket water on it. The explosion was deafening and aroused suspicion in the neighbor with the stupid hedge, which was now too engulfed in flames. She came flying out her front door and inquired into the nature of my activities and why my truck might be parked on top of her hedge. I stated the obvious for her, “I’m jump starting my wife’s car and your stupid hedge caught on fire.” My deft explanation didn’t seem to appease as expected.

After another boring safety lecture from the fire and police department officials who had been called by nosey neighbors, I vowed to buy a 50 hp diesel generator that I can use both for starting cars and, in emergencies, powering the house. I’ve downloaded wiring instructions from a survivalist website. I was about to go back to work on Linda’s car when she informed me that she had called AAA. The handsome young AAA guy in the shiny new tow truck quickly replaced her battery and prepared to tow what was left of my smoldering truck to some hazardous waste holding area for things that have burned. Supposedly there will be some small fees involved with this whole HazMat requirement, which I fully intend to protest vigorously. It appears I’m also being held responsible for damage to the neighbor’s stupid hedge. It’s amazing to me how, these days, people just can’t seem to take responsibility for their own problems.